A tale of the Humble Tree

What do you feel when you see trees?

I truly believe that there is no proper substitute for nature when it comes to its benefits to a growing child and to adults in general, but here in Kuwait, we find ways  and we found one gem right in the middle of Salmiya where you can find this beautiful humble Tree. I called her “Tree of Humility “. Upon spotting her, I immediately transformed into a Zen state of mind. In my daily quest to find beauty in everywhere, I was rewarded with great solitude upon gazing and meditating under this Tree. There’s no other way that I can look at trees the way I find wisdom in nature.

I wanna share with you 4 Life lessons I’ve learned from this “Tree of Humility “.

  1. Bend but don’t break. Be flexible yet firmly rooted.The body & the trunk of this humble tree is  hard and firm and yet her leaves sway gently in the breeze while their trunks stay rooted firmly in the ground below. Their foundation is solid even though they move and sway harmoniously with the harsh winds, sandstorms & dust, never fighting against it. In time, even the strongest wind tires itself out, but this tree remains standing tall and still. A bend-but-don’t-break or go-with-the-natural-flow attitude is one of the secrets for success whether we’re talking about trees, answering tough questions in a Q&A session, or just dealing with the everyday vagaries of life.
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Humility Tree reduce violence -Neighborhood and homes that are barren with nature have shown greater incidence of violence in and out of the home than their greener counterparts.When you see green landscape, your fears are reduced,giving you a sense of security & peace.

 

2.Remember : What looks weak is strong.– Remember the words of a great Jedi Master: “Size matters not. Look at me. Judge me by my size do you?” We must be careful not to underestimate others or ourselves based only on old notions of what is weak and what is strong. You may not be from the biggest company or the product of the most famous school, but like this tree, stand tall, believe in your own strengths, and know that you are as strong as you need to be.

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Humility Tree shields children from harmful UV rays.Imagine a park without any shade or trees where children spend hours playing outdoors? She gives refuge to children, to the future.

 

 

3.Find wisdom in Emptiness – It is said that in order to learn, the first step is to empty ourselves of our preconceived notions. One can not fill a cup which is already full. The hollow condition of this tree during the hottest months in Kuwait reminds us that we are often too full of ourselves and our own conclusions; we have no space for anything else. In order to receive knowledge and wisdom from both nature and people, we have to be open to that which is new and different. When you empty your mind of your prejudices and pride and fear, you become open to the possibilities.During the barren months of summer, this tree is humble, yet resilient enough to endure the heat. She understood that spring soon will come and the day she will blossom once again.

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Humility Trees Heals studies have shown that patients with views of trees out their windows heal faster and with less complications. Children with ADHD show fewer symptoms when they have access to nature. Exposure to trees aids concentration by reducing mental fatigue.

4.Commit to continuous growth -speaking of Kaizen or continuous improvement that is more steady and incremental, where big leaps and bounds are not necessary. Yet even with a commitment to continuous learning and improvement, our growth — like the growth of this humble tree — can be quite remarkable when we look back at what or where we used to be. Even though this tree is just there in the park, nobody really see its growth everyday. We too, even when we are making progress, may not notice our own improvement

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Trees as Teachers & Playmates-Whether as houses for children or creative spiritual inspiration for adults, The Humility tree have provided the space for human retreat throughout the years.

 

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Most children appreciate this tree because of its beautiful red flowers. Nobody gives compliment to her when she’s dry, leaves falling out & barren.

Most of us respond to the presence of trees beyond simply observing their beauty. We feel serene, peaceful, restful and tranquil in a grove of trees. We are “at home” there.A tree can add music to your life by attracting birds and other animals.Sound waves are absorbed by tree leaves and branches. A belt of trees 100 feet wide and 45 feet high can reduce highway noise by 50 percent. Prolonged exposure to noise can cause hypertension, higher cholesterol levels, irritability and aggressive behavior.

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Teach your child about nature.. let her feel its course, let her hear how she talk.There she will find wisdom.
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How to raise a nature-lover in your child-Be one.

So on your next trip to the park or along the line of trees in your neighborhood, take time to adore, take time to ponder. Take time to be Humble.

My daughter’s first love

Before my daughter was born, I knew that she will be the other woman in my husband’s life. I am sure all the other mothers out there can relate to my thoughts.There is no better view to look at for us to see when we see that our children are raised closely in the guidance of their father.

As Sigmund Freud says;

 I cannot think of any need in Childhood stronger as the need for a Father’s protection. 

A child who knows they are protected can grow up feeling safe and secure. Emotions are strong in childhood, and often fear is one of the strongest emotions of all.  A Papa’s arms are strong and fearless and to a child, they bring safety and peace.

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Dear child , The world is your playground ,go on and explore.

A father’s perspective fulfills every child’s need for exploration and adventure

“Fathers represent another way of looking at life — the possibility of an alternative dialogue.” While we, as  mothers focus a great deal on raising perfect children, fathers have a different perspective. They let children dress themselves, choose their own breakfast, jump in mud puddles and swing on ropes tied to the rafters.

My husband let Natalie explore on her own but guiding her by her side. He encourages more free-play. He lets her climb & let her learn how to climb down. He has taught her how to safely descend safely from the  stairs & chairs. He is trying his best to make “palm tree ” ( or ponytails) in her ever messy hair. I love the way He put on her clothes that are totally as per his own taste and haste !

Fathers allow children to explore and give them freedom that usually isn’t allotted them by their mother. This different perspective is good for children because it gives them the opportunity to explore, to go on adventures, and to live in their make believe worlds.

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A father’s love is endless. When a father gets involved, He is parenting in his own way.

“The greatest mark of a father is how he treats his children when no one is looking.”

In Netherlands,  Papadag (Or Daddy’s day ) has become a standard norm. This is included in the calendar of every working father’s calendar. It’s the time of the week where in the father takes a day off from work to spend time & take care of his child. Isn’t this amazing?Dutch fathers take more an equal role in parenting and being more hands-on. 

Studies show that if your child’s father is affectionate, supportive, and involved, he can contribute greatly to your child’s cognitive, language, and social development, as well as academic achievement, a strong inner core resource, sense of well-being, good self-esteem, and authenticity.

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Any man can be a father but it takes someone special to be a Father.
I am writing this post to give credit to fathers who are involved in parenting their child. One of the things that I have learned as a new mother is that when your husband respect you as the mother of his child, eventually He is an involved Father. With the stress of bearing the responsibilities of being the head of the family, His efforts should not be underestimated.

So next time you see your husband spends more time with your child, be grateful.Let him. Give the encouragement that He needs & deserves.Your child will reap the benefits of this. Do not think of it as He is sharing the “chore “but rather look at it as “He is doing his own way of Parenting “.

It is important to recognize and reward fathers  for being there, and actively teaching important life skills to children. It is important to their children, and meaningful to dads everywhere when you say “Thank you, job well done.” This, after all, is what makes life worth living. This is our own  true legacy: ensuring the health and well-being of our children : the future generation.

What is your parenting style? Do you also value the concept of  Papadag?

The art of Slowing down at child’s pace

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Lessons learned from  raising a Toddler

My daughter, Natalie is a great teacher. She’s only 18 months and yet she have taught me far greater & deep lesson about Caring with Respect, a valuable lesson that I needed for my age, and at this time of my life. I never learned this from school, but only through life with her.She have given me the Gift of Slowing down in life, at her own pace.

We loved to take a walk together. This is one way that we bond. Oftentimes, when we get down from our building, we took the elevator. But as soon as we are out, my daughter immediately run to the stairs and starts climbing. Up & down she goes. I always grab her by both hands and pull her back to get on with our walk & immediately she pull her hand out from my grip & go on her way. We do this maybe for a couple of times but she has her own ways to go back again to the stairs. One time after scooping her up, she just screamed,cried & refused to walk. The next time we are going out and she did the same, I let go of her. She go on her own way, she climbed the stairs, up & down for a couple of times while I just stood there, watching her. She’s looking back at me from time to time & smiled . Then she continued with her “ways”. After 3 rounds, she came up to me and pulled my hand, going to the direction of the main door so we can go on for our walk. This time, she was willing. She was finally ready. I learned that just being prepared & present for her helped her. Now I fully understand what does it really mean to “walk with her “. Its not about my pace, but hers.

Recently I found out something unusual with her. I didn’t notice the change until I evaluate what have I done. Normally when she woke up, she cried and refused to go back to sleep unless I stayed with her. I used to do things without telling her what I’m planning to do with her. This always result that she gets upset. I felt like I need to do it in a rush way like changing her diaper, leaving the room, pulling out her onesies, or brushing her teeth. But lately, I decided to talk to her more often of what I want to do instead of doing it while she’s caught off-guard. I decided to take my time, to slow down & care with respect. To let her know if I am going to remove her diaper and wash her, or inform her that I am going to the kitchen to get her milk, or telling her I’m going to brush her teeth. Her reaction changed. She became more calm, more tolerant. She was there waiting for me, as if she really understood me. This really struck me. She let go of her defenses and behaved. This time, I finally knew the power of Narrating what was happening & just observing more to understand her needs better.

Many times, I see my toddler as uncooperative, as whining, and difficult. But I never evaluated my own actions as demanding, insensitive or harsh. But when I started to look deeper at my actions as a parent,I was really dumbfounded why I never realized these things before. I know for most of us parents whose both hands are full with work & day-to day responsibilities, it’s not always easy to be fully present and attuned to a baby or young child who can’t keep up physically or verbally to let you know, “Hey wait a minute! Slow down! “We thought we are always in-charge, that our child are all helpless creatures. We forget that although they may not be physically agile as we are, they have feelings, their perception of things is developing and therefore this stage is critical.

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Educating while caring : Slowing down at child’s pace.

I was deeply moved by the gift of slowing down to a child’s pace and the humbling  lesson  I have learned about “Educaring”. Educaring  means that we should educate while we care, and care while we educate; that these two things are intertwined. So the intimate caregiving activities of feeding, diapering, bathing, and dressing a baby, provide valuable opportunities for a baby to learn about himself and also about others, about the people who care for him. And these are also valuable opportunities for relationship building between parent and child.

The art of Slowing down at a pace of a child illustrates the profound connection and joy available to both parents and young children when we can slow down just a little to be present with, and allow for what naturally unfolds, leaving our agenda behind, and trusting our children to be active participants in their own experience, recognizing that they have a point of view too.

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Babies, even toddlers knows best.Let them eat sand if she like. She does it anyway!

How do we do this? How can we slow down at their own pace and educate them while caring?

I wanna share with you  what I have learned from the excerpt of the book “Baby knows best”  : Raising a Confident & Resourceful Child , the RIE way by Deborah Carlisle Solomon. I didn’t know that these things are so relative and yet it really opened my eyes. This definitely changed my relationship with my daughter.Here are some helpful tips ;

1 – Slow down. Just slowing down creates a sense of peacefulness and allows even a young baby to follow what’s happening. When you think about the difference in how you feel when you’re rushing or even just moving at a brisk pace versus when you take the time to move slowly, it’s not surprising that this would have such a difference for babies.

2 – Practice telling your baby what you’re going to do, before you do it. “I’d like to pick you up now. I’m going into the other room and I’ll be right back.” When we are in the habit of telling the baby what we’re going to do, the baby can relax. She knows there’s going to be no surprises.

3-Tarry time -It’s the time between when you tell the baby what’s going to happen and when you actually do it. So after you tell the baby “I’m going to pick you up now,” you tarry, or wait for her to process what’s been said and let you know she’s ready. She might raise her arms up or have a look on her face of anticipation and you’ll know that now she’s ready to be picked up. This is important because babies take more time to process than we do. If we just say we’re going to pick you up and then pick up the baby, it will still feel very abrupt for the baby and she won’t be able to quite keep up with what’s going on.

Childhood is fleeting. Time flies so fast that we might not realize it when were so absorbed by the hustle & bustle of parenting. But as for me, I wanted to grow along with my child as she learns from me and vice versa. It is more important than ever to remember that the simple act of slowing down and giving our full attention is a gift that we can give to our children, and to ourselves.

Can you relate to this post?

Or what have you learned about slowing down in Life to appreciate more of it?

I wish that you find your inspiration everyday.Thank you for reading.

 

 

 

5 Words to say to your Toddler everyday

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I am here.

That’s wonderful!

You are doing a great job.

You are so beautiful.

I love You.

It is easier to build strong children, than to repair broken Adults. ~ F.Douglass